The Journey From Hell

Sometimes Fate really likes to test my patience. Here, for example, is one morning when I was heading for a job interview at a school. I had planned my journey online, but had no real idea where I was going, since I'd never been there before. Details of the ridiculous journey follow...

Left in plenty of time (for a change) and slowly made my way up toward our closest Hail N Ride bus stop. I made it all the way to the stop, but wasn't worried about that. As I waited, a couple more people turned up, but not a problem. And I waited. And waited. And waited some more as 9:46 came and went. The bus turned up at 10:05, predictably packed with people.

Hopped on, swiped Oyster and no beep. And again, no beep. But the kid in front of me had a problem too, so the driver nodded me past as I swiped like a possessed swiping thing. Miraculously I found a seat next to some HU-U-UGE girl (who made no attempt to hide the fact that she was stuffing her face with snack after snack and not even the decency to make it a diet Coke) and even though the bus was already full we kept stopping for every pleb that waved a hand. A couple of stops from Arnos Grove, a friend of the Girl with No Shame got on and they decided to talk utter utter crap until it was my turn to make my escape. Perhaps the conversation was caused by the lack of oxygen on the bus, who knows, but it was bad.

So into the station I went, deja vu all over again. Swiped the card, no beep. "Oh bollocks" I say aloud. Swipey swipe I go, silencey silence it says back. Typically it decides not to work when I'm already running late. In his infinite wisdom, one of the nearby members of staff says:
"It's dead."
Thank you, Captain Obvious. I walk over to the counter (another miracle - nobody in front of me) and throw the card through, saying:
"I have no idea what's wrong with it."
He scans it a few times and says "It's dead, isn't it?". I blink. Bloody hell, is there a Mensa convention on today?
"Looks like it."
He hands me a form and says:
"You'll need to fill this in before I can give you a replacement." Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
"Do you have any proof of address on you?"
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (miracle 3 - I happen to still have a bill in my bag from the last agency I signed up with. That's my year's luck gone then). Form filled in and handed back, new card handed over, I swipe the new card and hold my breath until the sweetest beep I ever heard plays and I run down to the platform. On the platform there's some more good news.
"Due to a signal failure..."
Dear god no...
"...there are delays reported in both directions..."
[sob]
"...on the Piccadilly line."
Someone's taking the piss. But no, a train turns up only a few minutes later than normal and I jump on board.

The rest of the journey was amazingly short and I actually still arrived 10 minutes early. Perhaps God was having a laugh, since it was a Convent school I was going to. Who can tell? But if that's his idea of a joke, the son of a bitch is one sick puppy!