New Religion Proposal

I hate winter. It's cold, it's wet and nothing much happens until all the uproar around the end of December, then it's back to the cold and the wet until about April.

To avoid this I decided to start my own religion, known as Hibernalism.

From the teachings of such wise scholars as Squ'Rel and the Great Bear, followers of Hibernalism should begin stockpiling food around September. The type of food is up to the individual, but it is wise to have a selection of both snacks and sustaining meals. Crisps are a good choice, since they do not go out of date too quickly and a decent big multipack will last several weeks. Bread is good, but must be kept frozen and only defrosted when needed.

The Teachings of Squ'Rel, Chapter Six (verses 5 to 12):
"And as the winter drew near, did not Squ'Rel reach down into the earth and extract a bounty of food with his bare hands. Around him, the people did rejoice as they knew their leader was a truly learned man."

Hibernalism does not require practitioners to totally avoid leaving the house, as this is not always possible in modern times. However, since concentration levels are much lower in winter than summer, it is unwise for a Hibernalist to attempt any form of work during the colder months. Hibernalists in the workplace must get at least 3 months off work (recommended November-January) with a preferred leave time of 5 months, to be taken between October and February.

During this hibernation, Hibernalists should take time to give thanks to Nature for being wise enough to show them the way to live, and understand that were we supposed to walk during winter, Nature would have granted us fur coats.

Walking with the Great Bear, Volume XI, verses 21-34:
"We had wandered for what felt like miles, across the barren, snowy land. I could no longer feel my feet, and I knew that if I stopped walking now I would surely perish. I surveyed the landscape and saw the trees stripped of leaves, bushes trying in vain to break free of the thick layer of snow on top of them, and strange lumps, which may have been packed ice or the bodies of the last people to attempt this journey. The Great Bear, sensing my despair, turned to me and spoke these words:
'Do not worry, we are nearly at Tesco now,'"

While purists insist that Hibernalists should never leave the house at all during their time of worship, the less strict paths say that travel is permitted as long as it through choice and not necessity. The concentration required to worship through the winter must not be interrupted by employers. However, this concentration is not broken by doing things the worshipper enjoys.

Hibernalism is already beginning to spread through the world, and even popular band Green Day have chosen to associate themselves with this religion.
"Wake me up when September ends," said Billie Joe Armstrong, combining his Hibernalistic beliefs with a shameless promotion for the band's song about the religion. Probably.

And who can argue with that?

Disclaimer: Green Day are probably not Hibernalists. Duh.